We will reap as we have sown, reap as we have sown — Look at Jane up there singing along to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’. She’s doing pretty good. Definitely a bit off-key, but pretty good nonetheless. And everyone is really cheering her on. Even our stiff supervisor over there is clapping. I’d be a bit worried to follow her if I weren’t…

The other masters won’t sell their treats because they’re afraid they’ll only make double on their initial investment. — Come here, boy! Come here! Gggooodddd bbooyyy. Look what I have for you! See it? Sit. I said, ”Sit.” See it? Doesn’t it look good? It’s an absurdly overpriced home! No! I did not say, “Okay!” Sit back down. Sit. Sit! Good. Stay. Good. No, you cannot have this treat…

The excessive litter of maimed and mutilated body parts contribute to its negative and uninviting experiential qualities — Valhalla, the most highly-touted Norse hall of the slain, has irrefutably been one of the most famous buildings of any sort ever since its construction was completed in ancient Asgard. Its massive military-grade infrastructure, boisterous undead occupants, and otherworldly afterlife parties are well-known throughout all of the 9 Worlds. …

Every subscriber of our software will soon be receiving a shipment of uranium fuel rods at the address we have on file. — As a world leader in producing increasingly non-responsive, resource-draining software, we’re pleased to announce the release of our latest update! In this newest version, we have once again refused to fix the issues that cause the crashes and freeze-ups that have plagued our software ever since we launched the first…

The plot suffers in favor of an ongoing and relentless character study of the eponymous villain (“Woohoo, witchy woman / See how high she flies / Woohoo, witchy woman / She got the moon in her eye”). — Desperado A hard-hitting gem of literary crime fiction, Desperado is the Eagles’ ode to the classic revenge story. Thematically grounded in the fanaticism associated with vigilante justice (“Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?”), …

The complicated plot is full of antagonists (“I’ve got seven women on my mind / Four that wanna own me / Two that wanna stone me / One says she’s a friend of mine”). — Take It Easy An exemplary entry into the canon of literary crime fiction, Take It Easy drops us directly into the fast-paced dealings of the criminal underworld from the very first sentence (“Well, I’m running down the road / Tryin’ to loosen my load”).

The plot meanders without focus (“Oh, yeah, alright / Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah / Ah, ah, ah, ah / Oh, don’t leave me so confused, no”). — Whole Lotta Love An overly ambitious parable about the importance of combating ignorance and providing universal access to education (“You need coolin’ / Baby, I’m not foolin’ / I’m gonna send you / Back to schoolin’”), this piece quite simply fails to reach its full potential. A lack of sophisticated character development coupled…

Start with the decision to write a short humor article — With everything so online nowadays and vastly increasing numbers of people staying at home just browsing the web, it’s become easier than ever before to create original content that goes viral. …

Thunderstruck A remarkable example of the use of in medias res, this piece delivers us immediately into the action (“I was caught / in the middle of a railroad track / I looked around / and I knew there was no turning back”) as the protagonist, with his supporting cast of…